Its a monster running close to you.
Its a monster inside your mind.
This monster isn’t real, but it feels real.
Its thoughts that tell you you’re not good enough, not worthy enough, and not strong enough.
Its thoughts tearing you down everyday.
Its a darkness inside and outside.
Its feeling like you’re fading into the background.
Its feeling like everyone is disappointed in you.
Its feeling like no one could ever love you.
Its hearing nice compliments, but having them quickly fade and disappear before you grasp them and gone before they can bring you up.
Its hearing what you have to do and feeling like it’s the biggest thing in the world to do.
Its hearing laughter and feeling empty.
Its knowing that you’re sad and scared.
Its knowing that you need something but not knowing what it is.
Its knowing you’re have so much to be grateful for but not being able to feel it long enough to let it help you.
Its feeling lonely when your family is right by you.
Its anger taking over your body.
Its anger making you miserable and hopeless.
Its frustrating and time consuming.
Its wasting most of your time on how mad you are at feeling this way but never figuring out a solution so you’re constantly still and stagnant.
Its getting nothing done and than being mad at yourself until you know longer do anything at all.
Its completely degrading and it doesn’t seem fair.
Depression does not seem fair. It takes away all your joy and happiness. The worst part is how uncertain you are of what is going to happen. Will this time be worse? Will there ever come a day that I don’t have to deal with this? Why is this happening to me? Everyone else is happy and there are people that struggle more yet here I am feeling sad when other people would love to have my life and now I feel like the worst person in the world for allowing myself to have these sad feelings.
The thing I have learnt is to embrace the uncertainty. There is no saying this will last months and years, and there is no saying that you wont start to feel better within weeks. Yes, these pains don’t seem to be lovely and at times they seem to be scary and it doesn’t make sense, but sadness is where we learn the most. If we can stay strong and smile in these times, then God will repay us. This sadness will not last, it always passes!
The more terrified we are the worse it seems. It is all just feelings in the end and lots of feelings are not positive but that’s ok. I have realized that I am here already, I am starting to feel this way and it is not as bad as it seems to be. If we can continue to do all we can to be happy in these times that above all is true strength.
There is so much to be grateful for and although it never seems like we can embrace that when we feel this way, the more we practice gratitude the more it will feel effortless – just as feeling upset and bad about ourselves seems effortless.
One day things will be great. I am here to say that I am not feeling the best lately, but I am already here feeling the beautiful sadness and trying to listen to what God is telling me I must learn in this time.
Everyday I have been doing a smiling meditation for five minutes and I even practice smiling while I’m driving and you wouldn’t believe how much smiling can help. Its something you can try yourself. When you’re smiling everything truly feels like its going to be ok even if negative thoughts arise in your mind you still feel at ease.
Although it seems unfair, the strength you’re given later will be priceless so lets not just focus on how we are feeling now but how amazing we will be feeling soon and how much more grateful we will be for the beauty in everyday.
Let us embrace depression as if it where a scared friend needing help. Lets look at it with an open mind and and loving heart rather than wanting and needing it to go away. Lets love it and remember that it is only a part of our life that we NEED for our next step. Something bigger is coming and this is going to give us all the strength for that time. We need this piece in the puzzle so please don’t run and please don’t be scared.
I am not going to give up and neither should you.
As always, share the love ❤